Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She announced her abortion via fbk
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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