how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
