All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize