I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
