we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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