My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
