Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
