found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize