My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Randomize
