bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize