Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
