I puked a lego.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
