yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
