You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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