Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
