Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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