dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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