you traded sex for a burrito?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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