Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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