why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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