She is in my trunk
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
