just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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