bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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