you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
