You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
