i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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