I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
