I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
