I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
