well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
