my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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