Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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