That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
