I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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