There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
