So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
this hospital has no fireball
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
