So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
