there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
