So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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