Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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