D3 body, D1 cock
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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