NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
