And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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