That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
