I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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