dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
