I'm jealous of your bromance
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
