you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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