I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
