Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
