We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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