The maid of honor just puked.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
