you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
