last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
