Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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