My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
