I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
