My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
