My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
