So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
