First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize