On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
