ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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