dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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