I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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