Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
