Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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