I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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