How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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