So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize