I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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