I like to think it a success when the cops are called
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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