great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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