we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
