Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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