You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
