My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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