I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
