really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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