That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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