I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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