he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
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