eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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